Alderaan: A Retrospective

Alderaan. The "Shining Star" of the Core Worlds, a peaceful planet of unparalleled beauty, rich cultural heritage and a long, proud history dating back more than 30,000 years. And yet, somehow the name has become synonymous with explosive, fiery destruction. One year on, Death Star PR takes a completely objective look back at the "Alderaan incident", at what we've lost and what we've learned, in a quest to finally uncover the truth.

 The mountains of Alderaan. Probably.

What we know
Let's start with the cold, hard FACTS. Alderaan was (almost definitely) a planet that (allegedly) existed. There are many (probably not faked) photos. At some point, for some reason (discussed below), it ceased to exist in its more well-known planetary form in the spatial location it was previously renowned for being found at.

 Alderaan: You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

What may have happened that day
From scientists to conspiracy nuts to "eyewitnesses" who were "actually there", everyone seems to have a different theory on what "actually" happened to Alderaan.

Many scientists have suggested that Alderaan may have spontaneously combusted. "Oh yes," said Professor Iluff Scyeenze, "planets do spontaneously explode all of the time. It has to do with complex gravitational forces combining with a freak build up of magma beneath the planet's mantle, as well as loads of other scientific things like exothermic reactions and the parallax effect and... umm... carbohydrates."

Another strong possibility is an unexpected strike by a huge meteor, as seen in documentaries like Armageddon with Bruce Willis.

Was this man responsible for riding an asteroid into Alderaan? We're not saying he is, but can you prove he isn't? 

More likely, however, is that Alderaan was disintegrated when it was hit by a wayward paragraph of gigantic floating yellow text, a tragic tale that has become all too common in recent years. But where exactly do these unstoppable monolithic paragraphs come from? What do they want? Are they, perhaps, some kind of expository message to us from an unknowable, unfathomable creator? For now, the answers to those questions remain a mystery.

A photograph of one of the rogue paragraphs, taken by one of the few to survive an encounter.

A small minority have even suggested that the benevolent Galactic Empire used the Death Star's superlaser to destroy Alderaan as a demonstration of the Empire's firepower, designed to frighten the Rebel Alliance into submission. Well, just about anybody can suggest anything. Maybe it was accidentally eaten by a gigantic star turtle carrying four giant elephants on its back, who in turn carry some kind of disc-shaped world on their backs. Maybe a giant space bird flew off with it. Or MAYBE it was just a "special effect" made for a "movie" using "computers" and Alderaan never really existed at all.

Who's to blame?
Assuming Alderaan did exist and was blown up? Terrorists. There's a lot of things we don't know in this crazy, mixed up galaxy we live in but one thing's for sure: terrorists are always to blame for explosions.

For years, the Rebel Alliance have been waging guerrilla warfare against the Galactic Empire, constantly disrupting our valiant attempts to bring peace, order and security to the galaxy (even if we have to very occasionally use extreme violence, oppression and fear to do it).

 Grand Moff Tarkin surveys a totally unconnected asteroid field.

Although the Rebel insurgents haven't claimed responsibility for the attack, and indeed have quite vehemently and consistently stated that the Empire is to blame, the reality is that there would be no wars of the star variety or otherwise if the Alliance simply gave up. They won't, of course. They're only too eager to risk your lives for their own selfish ends. Said Eeval Tehryryst: "We're fighting to free the entire galaxy from a ruthlessly oppressive totalitarian dictatorship led by two evil wizards." See? Selfish.

Hypothetically speaking
From a purely hypothetical, non-committal, just throwing it out there kind of a place, if Alderaan did explode and if we did it, which we are in no way suggesting is actually the case, then it would definitely have been totally, unequivocally justified.

 What the Death Star laser might look like if it was fired at Alderaan. Which it almost definitely wasn't.

If the Galactic Empire did, for example, use the Death Star's gigantic superlaser to turn Alderaan into the galaxy's newest meteor field, it would only have been to bring peace to an entire galaxy. A galaxy filled with literally thousands of planets, and possibly to teach a certain uppity Princess a lesson. Are people really going to miss one? After all, doesn't the good of the many outweigh the needs of the few (billion)?

Tarkin, Leia and Darth Vader share a laugh during some father/daughter bonding/abduction time.

Simply put, if Alderaan did get blown up by the Galactic Empire, it was the Rebellion's fault. But even if it turned out that there was some kind of "video evidence" that "proved" we were "responsible", the chances were that we were just test firing the laser when Alderaan shifted its orbit in front of it.

Final thoughts
In all of the discussion of the "horrific tragedy" that (allegedly) befell Alderaan, aren't we all forgetting something? Did the (alleged) destruction of Alderaan really happen to the Alderaanians? After all, you don't hear them bringing it up very often. Isn't it fairer to say that Alderaan happened to all of us? For it is we who must march bravely onwards, valiantly struggling to put behind us/forget completely what (may or may not actually have) happened on that fateful day.

And doesn't that make us the real heroes, in the end?

Yes. Yes it does.

The Greatest Star Wars Game You'll Never Play

If you've ever wanted to command a fleet of Star Destroyers as they bring freedom to the Galaxy by blowing up Rebel fighters, or take the role of an entree-based Rebel Commander and skillfully guide your fleet into yet another trap, this is the video game for you. Except it isn't, because you'll never get to play it.

Arthur Nishimoto's Fleet Commander was developed at the University of Illinois at Chicago's Electronic Visualization Laboratory (EVL) and runs on a 20-feet wide 16 megapixel LCD multi-touch wall.

The exceedingly kick ass looking multiplayer game, "explores how a real-time interactive strategy game that would typically rely on complex keyboard commands and mouse interactions be transferred into a multi-user, multi-touch environment."

Fleet Commander is able to use all of the Star Wars ships and sounds because it was made for a student project, which means none of us will ever get to play it.

Enjoy.

Via Topless Robot (via Kotaku).

11 Star Wars Themed Father/Son Activities You Can Do This Father's Day

To celebrate Father's Day, Death Star PR considers what we can learn from the relationships between fathers and sons, mentors and students seen in the Star Wars films, and how we can apply these lessons in the form of 11 everyday father/son activities.

11) Get Back to Nature

There's nothing quite like roughing it to bring out the MAN in you. There's something primal and inherently good about spending time in the great outdoors. Pitching a tent, hiking, canoeing, and skillfully hunting cute, innocent woodland creatures to death with high-powered guns from an extreme distance are all fun ways to get healthy while enjoying one another's company. And if you think a forest sounds a bit too pedestrian, then why not try a swamp? Leeches, spooky caves filled with psychic manifestations of evil and kleptomaniacal goblins -- what's not to love?

10) Tell Stories

Kids love a good story, but forget telling him stories about dragons and fairy godmothers and anthropomorphic singing mice. Here's your chance to go just go crazy and make a ton of shit up. Tell him his real dad died years ago! Or that he doesn't actually have a sister! Remember: lies by omission are almost as fun! So while you're wildly exaggerating the truth, make sure NOT to tell him important things he should know, like the fact that you chopped his real dad to bits, because let's face it, that stuff can be a bit of a downer on your special day.

9) Play hide and seek

Parents are often so busy working and doing stuff that they sometimes forget to enjoy themselves, or to spend precious family time playing with their kids. But not in the Star Wars universe, where there is a grand tradition of father/son types enjoying all sorts of fun games together. Games like Pin the Lightsaber in the Stomach of Your Friend and Operation: Cyborg Sith Lord edition. Though no matter which galaxy you're in, Hide and Seek is always a classic choice for good, wholesome fun. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader played one game for over twenty years, but even Old Ben couldn't take Yoda's spot as Undefeated Hide and Seek Champion of the Galaxy. Vader and Luke also played a rousing round, with the Sith Lord sending probe droids all across the galaxy just to find his son.

8) Break in to a high security government facility/prison

For the more thrill-seeking father/son combinations, not much gets the adrenalin pumping more than breaking into the most heavily guarded, high security prison/government facility in the galaxy to rescue a Princess. Sure, it may result in dad's eventual death at the hands of his evil magic cyborg ex-BFF but the important thing is, he'll be dead you'll have had a hoot of a time with an incredibly noble death at the end of it.

7) Or gamble on death races!

If you can't think of a Princess worth saving, or believe that a modern day Princess should be quite capable of rescuing herself, thank you very much, but still crave that adrenalin fix, why not sign your kid up for an incredibly high-speed, potentially deadly pod race? Make it more thrilling by gambling heavily and irresponsibly on the outcome, but make sure you use your magic powers to cheat if you possibly can! Don't be alarmed: all of morally reprehensible stuff is OKAY because you're A GOOD GUY.

6) Become One with the Force

We see some of you sad sacks sobbing away as you read this going, "But my dad died, how am I supposed to celebrate Father's Day?" Well cheer up, because we've got news for you: your dad isn't dead, he just became one with the Force. He never left your side. Which means he's watching you right now. He's ALWAYS been watching you. And yes, that means he was watching you last night when you got home from work late and decided to have some alone time on that special website you don't tell your wife about. Think about how much fun you'll have now, doing EVERYTHING TOGETHER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

5) Confront your issues

There's no greater gift than the gift of forgiveness, except maybe the gift of a giant planet-destroying laser, or at least some kind of huge walking armoured behemoth capable of crushing your enemies underfoot like twigs. Okay, so the forgiveness thing maybe isn't "Top 5" gift material, but it's still right up there. One thing people don't do in the Star Wars universe is avoid their problems. Have an issue with your former best friend/father figure turning against you and trying to steal your incredibly hot forbidden wife? Talk it out. Don't let it fester and turn you into that douchey passive aggressive person. Calmly discuss your issues and move on, which in our galaxy means "Grab a lightsaber and attack one another in a no-holds barred battle to the death, until one of you moves on... to another plane of existence".

4) Visit Hives of Scum and Villainy

Obi-Wan and Luke's visit to that cantina in Mos Eisley taught us that visiting seedy bars is a super way for a father figure and his impressionable young ward to spend some quality time together. Whether you're making friends with smugglers, getting drunk with angry space bears, cutting off the arms of people trying to make friendly chatter, or just watching your new mate casually pre-emptively murder aliens, a great time will be had by all. Well, apart from the people you sent to the hospital and/or morgue.

3) Execute Order 66

If you want a healthy father/son relationship, it's essential to share hobbies that you both enjoy. Things like baseball and video games give you something to bond over, as well as something to talk about instead of doing scary stuff like sharing your actual feelings. They also help your child learn valuable lessons like, "Teamwork, yay!" and, "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well." And if that hobby happens to be the total elimination of an entire order of magical peacekeeping space monks, so be it. At least it has less of a social stigma than making model trains.

2) Build a Death Star

If sharing hobbies can bring a father and son closer together, having a project can be the ultimate bonding experience. Yes, there will be frustrations and times where things don't go to plan, but that all pales compared to the joy of achieving a goal you've been working towards for years. If you think that building a tree house together makes for some great memories, imagine the laughs you'll share looking back on your 20+ year, $15.6 septillion building project that involved draining the natural resources, and utilising the slave labour, of hundreds of worlds.

1) Rule the Galaxy as Father and Son

Cost of building a Death Star: $15.6 septillion. Supporting the infrastructure required to ruthlessly oppress an entire galaxy: $835 septillion. Running the family business together: Priceless.

Passive Aggressive Post-it Notes 1

When you work for Darth Vader, the only thing worse than the constant Force chokes and lightsaber-related workplace "incidents" are the passive aggressive Post-it notes he's always leaving around the office.

Here's today's:

Art by the incomparable Max Harris.

How to: Beat Up Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the most dangerous men who ever lived. He was the first Jedi to kill a Sith Lord in over 1,000 years, offed General Grievous, a psychotic four-armed lightsaber-wielding cyborg, and trained the terrorist who ended up blowing up the first Death Star. But don't worry, you don't need to be a total badass to take him down. Just follow our simple "How to" guide.



Make sure and use our handy visual guide to figure out which version of Obi-Wan you're fighting!


Young Obi-Wan

Okay, let's tackle young Obi-Wan. Warning: do not literally tackle him, unless by "tackle" you mean "run over with something fast and heavy, preferably a spaceship", or "shoot him a lot from as far away as possible". Anyway, you shouldn't tackle him because he has magical powers and will probably see it coming and do a fancy Jedi flip out of the way, then chop you in half with his lightsaber.

Do you have magical powers and a lightsaber? (No, the ability to sometimes be singing a song, then two seconds later you turn on the radio and hear it doesn't count.) If yes, step one is easy: find an evil sorceror willing to train you in the ways of the Dark Side of the Force. Train in secret for 10-15 years. Step two, cunningly lure Obi-Wan and his Master into the nearest industrial complex, preferably a power core of some description. Step three, distract young Obi-Wan by killing his Master (easy), then knock him into a reactor shaft while he's angry. Now comes the crucial part: DON'T LET HIM OUT. Stab him in the head with your lightsaber, Force push him, throw a shoe at him, whatever - just don't stand there and gloat like an idiot.

If you don't have magical powers, don't give up, you can still do this. You see, young Obi-Wan is petulant and kind of a dumbass. He can be tricked, because the Force is with him, but it also thinks he's a bit of a dick, so it will look away instead of helping him when it can. Young Obi-Wan has a secret weakness: he'll always do the exact opposite of whatever Qui-Gon says. So just invite him over to your house and be all casual and say something like, "Hey guy, my garbage disposal is on the fritz! Ain't it always the way, etc, etc," then, reverse psychology him. "Oh, but don't worry about it. Qui-Gon says you're no good with fixing stuff and stuff." Boom! Just try and stop him from checking that thing out. The second he does, you pounce! Shove his head straight into it. His stupid rat's tail hair thing will get caught and within seconds it's game over.

Jedi Master Obi-Wan

Yes, he has a beard now but DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU. To understand how to defeat Jedi Master Obi-Wan, you must first understand what he loves doing: delivering lectures. Give him what he wants and he will be putty in your cyborg hands. Speaking of putty, it will help if you have some. Put it in your ears now. Then marry someone inappropriate. Any Princess is fine, really.

You're ready for the next step, but first make sure you're nowhere near a river of molten lava. There's none? You're sure? Good. Now tell Obi-Wan about the stuff you did, but also mention some other stuff about how you may have killed a few Sand People, forgot to put in your tax return for the last few years and cheated in Monopoly. Just go crazy. Confess to anything and everything that pops into your head but DON'T LET HIM SPEAK. Stop only when his face goes beet red.

This is where the putty comes in. Obi-Wan will unleash a self-righteous lecture of such epic proportions it will rip a hole in the space-time continuum and become the original boring, self-righteous lecture. But you won't have to hear any of it. Instead, you'll just be shaking your head and nonchalantly going, "Nuh uh!" every so often. Let this go on for several hours, the longer the better. Let the little guy tucker himself out. Eventually he'll begin to get drowsy, which is when you stab him in the head with your lightsaber.

Old Man Ben Kenobi

This is the easiest, most effective way to beat Obi-Wan, but it's also something of a long game. Only the most patient Obi-Wan haters will be able to go the distance. But hey, if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing incredibly slowly over several decades.

Wait until he's really old, like pensioner old, and has been living in a cave for 20 years letting himself get rusty (NOTE: during this time, you should have remained FROSTY in exact inverse proportion to his rustiness.). Then pick a fight.

Remember: he's old now. At some point he will get tired, or remember he forgot to drink his prune juice that morning, or his mind will drift off thinking about those darned kids next door who keep kicking their ball into his backyard. This is the moment you've been waiting for! Strike like a genetically engineered super cobra who has arms and a robotic body specifically built for rapid striking.

Congratulations, you've just defeated one of the hardest Jedi to have ever lived. You have gained the rank of Galactic badass.

The Greatest LEGO Diorama in the Galaxy

Imperial Employee of the Month Jay Hoff has been hard at work building the greatest LEGO Diorama in this or any other Galaxy. An impressive, most impressive 37,000 pieces of LEGO (as well as, presumably, a scary amount of time and money), including 388 mini-figurines, went into this custom commemoration of the Emperor's arrival on the second Death Star.

This great moment in Imperial history was made in 2011 for Science Discovery Day at Berkeley Preparatory School in Tampa. It uses an Imperial Shuttle Kit with custom designed Death Star hangar.

And yes, if you look closely enough, you might be able to spot a few Clone Troopers and a cameo appearance by Darth Maul, but only because they were really there at the time. Weren't you paying attention?

Thanks to Chris Nagle via Blastr for the tip.

You're Welcome

The Galactic Empire is pleased to announce that we're working on a new targeted laser.

Testing to begin immediately on people who wear Ed Hardy t-shirts.

You're welcome, Earth.

Brought to you by the Death Star Cares initiative.

To Do #1

TO DO:

✔ Make all Jedi "one with the Force"

✔ Oppress entire Galaxy
✔ Capture wise-mouthed Princess
✔ Blow up Alderaan 

❒ Find droids
❒Groceries
❒Cover exhaust port

WANTED: Luke Skywalker

Earth's most wanted terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, may be dead but rest assured Sithizens, the Galactic Empire's war against terror continues unabated. Emperor Palpatine has personally guaranteed that the "Mission Accomplished" banner will not fly until Luke Skywalker is brought to justice for his crimes against humanity [and assorted weird aliens].

The Galaxy's most infamous terrorist, "Cool Hand" Luke Skywalker is wanted in connection with the destruction of the first Death Star, resulting in the deaths of more than 1.3 million people, moral depravity and practicing Jedism, as well as planning and executing numerous other Rebel terror attacks.

Skywalker is often seen in the company of other high profile dissidents Han "Low Blow" Solo, Leia "Princess" Organa, Chew "Teddy Bear" Bacca, Lando "Token" Calrissian and droid life partners C-3PO and R2-D2.

He is widely known to frequent desert caves owned by creepy old men in bathrobes, goblin-infested swamps, trash compactors and hives of scum and villainy.

Skywalker is considered one-armed and extremely dangerous.

Imperial Oath

In brightest day, in blackest night,

No Rebel shall escape our sight

Let those who worship Jedi's might

Beware our power... Death Star's green light!

The Death Star was MY idea

The good people at Sneaky Zebra have been working hard on the Galactic Empire's latest advertising campaign. Not that we need one, of course.

The Windows 7 parody completely fresh and original campaign shows the public that what's at the heart of the Death Star isn't a gigantic hypermatter reactor; it's the dedicated, salt-of-the-earth folks who give their all day in, day out to make the Galactic Empire great.

TK-421

"It's a bit of a nightmare going door to door trying to find the droids we're looking for. So I had this idea: what if we could just cut out the middle man and wipe out a planet from orbit?"

Darth Vader

"Wouldn't it most impressive if we had a weapon that was insignificant to the power of the Force?"

Chewbacca

"Rrrawwwrrrlllgghhh! Raawwwrrrr! Groawaarraghr!"

I run the Death Star's PR Department, and the Death Star was my idea.

Franchise

Is being a bad guy getting you down?

Have an evil empire but nobody will take you seriously?

Want to own your own Death Star?

Franchises available, enquire within.

8 Totally Awesome Things About Having A Cyborg Hand

A lot of people criticize Darth Vader's decision to cut off Luke's hand, bizarrely seeing maiming your only son as some kind of a "parenting fail", rather than as Vader's way of giving his son the greatest gift of all: a totally awesome cyborg hand.

Don't believe us? You will. Here are 8 Totally Awesome Things About Having A Cyborg Hand:

1) Say goodbye to oven mitts.
Apart from freedom of speech and anti-fascist dictatorship campaigners, probably the most annoying thing in the world is getting your fingers burnt when you go to pull something out of the oven. With a cyborg hand, that will never be an issue again.

2) More opportunities to wear leather gloves.

Forget having to wait until you're driving your douchey sports car before you strap on the leather; covering up your mechanical hand gives you all the excuse you need to sport a fashion forward hand accessory at all times.

3) Be a bigger tool.
Forget Inspector Gadget or MacGyver. Thanks to recent advances in robot hand technology, your robot fingers can become even more useful with a screwdrivers, laser pointer, or even a can opener in.

4) Cyborgs have super powers.
Having a robot hand makes you a cyborg, and cyborgs are supremely cool deathmachines with superpowers. Name one who isn't. You can't, because they don't exist. Davros? Lightning fingers. Darth Vader? Force powers. Stephen Hawking? Megabrain.

5) No more paper cuts.

Congratulations! Now that you don't have any flesh, you are free from paper cuts, food slicing errors and other annoying hand injuries! Added bonus: you can never feel the touch of another person ever again.

6) Handicapped parking.
Although your cyborg hand has given you super powers, the rest of the world doesn't always need to know about it, particularly not when it entitles you to handicapped parking and sweet, sweet government pension money. You better equip that robohand with a stick, because you're going to need it to beat the ladies away.

7) Do funny impressions.

You are going to win charades every single time from now on. Know why? Because having a robot hand means you can do the best Terminator 2 thumbs-up-sinking-into-molten-metal impression ever.

8) Impress the ladies.
Guys, newsflash: nobody cares about how much money you donated to Alderaanian orphans last year, or how long it took you to train as a cardio-thoracic surgeon, or your chiselled movie star good looks. This is the 2011's. Ladies only care about whether you can crush rocks or block lasers WITH YOUR HAND.

So please Sithizens, the next time Cool Hand Luke Skywalker has one of his patented whinges about his dad cutting off his hand, tell him you wish you had such an awesome father.

Hug

You say "Force choke", we say "loving long distance throat hug".

Negative

 

There's nothing worse than people who are always negative.

Yes, we blew up a few planets, but there are HEAPS more we HAVEN'T blown up.

Sorry

Having a Death Star means never having to say you're sorry.

An office far, far away Episode 5

"First Impressions"

Follow the continuing adventures of Duke, the new guy, as he tries to make it in the office of an evil Empire. So, pretty much every office, anywhere.

Go to Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4.

Click to enlarge:

Words: Robbie Boland
Art: Kristian Aus

Priceless 2

Building a Death Star: $7 trillion.

Annual Wages: $960 million.

The look on Leia's face when we destroyed Alderaan: Priceless.

11 Reasons Why Bad's The New Good

Beside the great hair, chiselled jawline, rockhard physique, nerves of steel and the adoration of the masses, why does everybody grow up wanting to be a "hero"? Life is so much better when you're bad. Supervillain bad. Here are 11 reasons why it's good to be bad:

11) You get to be your own boss.

Nobody likes being told what to do or when to do it. As a supervillain, you get to choose your own pet projects and, more importantly, your own hours. If you enjoy a good sleep in, fine. Get to work on that moon-mounted nuclear missile battery after a late brunch.
Also, having lots of henchmen makes doing household chores a breeze.

10) Traditional black outfit is very slimming AND hides those pesky bloodstains.

There's a reason why bad guys always wear black and it's not symbolism: black hides the flab and the telltale DNA evidence in a way no other colour can.

9) You shouldn't judge a book by its black, hideously disfigured cover

These days the business world is all about style over substance. What you do isn't important, only how pretty you look doing it. Unfortunately, those who happen to have a horribly disfiguring facial scar or a robotic claw for a hand don't even get a chance to prove themselves.
Supervillainry, on the other hand, welcomes those with less than aesthetically "perfect" bodies. Indeed, it's those charming little physical imperfections that make a supervillain stand out from the crowd. And give them some excellent fuel for the "building a doomsday device" fire.

8) Plenty of opportunities to show off that maniacal laugh you’ve been working on.

Sure, they may look effortless but really good maniacal laughs don't just happen by accident. They take time and determination to create. If you're going to put all that effort into something, it's good to know it will be regularly appreciated.

7) Murder is a growth industry.

Everybody's going to die sooner or later, so you may as well make some money from it. Plus, we’ve all wanted to kill somebody at some point. Why fight it?

6) Own exotic animals, interesting architectural features and/or diabolical death traps.

Dog? Big deal. Dining table? So passe. Swimming pool? Yawn. Supervillains aren't bound by the traditional. While everyone else is keeping up with the Joneses, supervillains have encased them in carbonite and use them as decorative lawn fixtures. In an evil lair you can really let your imagination go wild. Want a swimming pool under a hidden floor in the lounge room filled with Gorilla/Sharks with shoulder-mounted rocket launchers, or a dining table that converts into spinning saws? Go for it!

5) Money is no object...

When you can steal it from banks using your TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME giant mole machine. 'Nuff said.

4) Lots of available real estate for that secret base on the moon.

Cities become more and more crowded by the day. You can hardly kill anyone without some inquisitive do-gooder finding out about it and lecturing you about the "sanctity of human life" and the "law" and how experimental freeze rays are "bad". But not on the moon, or deep underneath an active volcano. Quiet, roomy, out-of-the-way locations are a steal to buy AND the perfect place to set up an evil lair.

3) It's good "brain food".

Any pimply-faced, snot-nosed 16 year old kid with magic powers, training from a creepy old wizard and a bunch of ragtag-yet-lovable misfit friends can ruin a lovingly crafted, intricately detailed and incredibly devious plan for world domination in seconds. But coming up with that unnecessarily intricate plan in the first place? That's the hard part. Not many people have the initiative and bravely visionary thinking required to change/take over the world.

2) You get to deliver some great monologues.

The monologue is a supervillain's turn to shine. With all eyes on them, the meglomaniac gets to show off their acting range and simultaneously prove just how smart they are by explaining the plan that, up until now, nobody else really understood. It doesn't get any better than that.

1) Being bad helps other people be good

a) Nothing makes a person happy like the endorphins you get from a good workout. If you think that's pretty good, wait until you feel the amazing adrenalin rush that comes with dangling headfirst over a pool of killer sharks with rocket launcher teeth.
b) Nobody ever heard of a hero with a sub-par nemesis. Only by having a truly evil bad guy can the hero be truly good. Which means bad guys bring out the best in people.
Still not convinced? Consider taking candy from a baby. A lot of people strangely seem to consider this as stealing from a poor defenseless being for your own self-gratification, but really, it's just being helpful: babies shouldn't eat candy.