the BITS network is an #epicfail

I always wondered why my blog takes such an extraordinarily long time to load here from the BITS campus. I did a lot of tweaking to streamline my page, including getting rid of heavy widgets, using a blogger template and not a third party one. To no avail.

Till one day one of my GoodOldFriends told me that the highly retarded people in the BITS Information Processing Center (better known as IPC) reduce your bandwidth when particular strings appear in an URL. For example iso or avi or mpg. Why? Because they believe that with something as efficient a p2p contraption as DC++ operating within campus, we students would hog the institute bandwidth in an attempt to download huge movies and sitcoms and other video files.

Not that we wouldn't, but that is besides the point.

So you search for 'isometric' on Google and fifteen minutes later, you will still be staring at a white screen and cursing the network. Because a wretched 'iso' appears in the URL, and because a bunch of diabolical guys are of the opinion that you are actually trying to download the 2 GB+ iso files of FIFA 11 or Call of Duty.

On the other hand, try searching 'isametric' and .. presto ... flash gordon on steroids!

Bleh!

The levels of brainless bureaucracy the IPC reaches, astonishes me at times. Right from blocking words like 'sex' in URLs (I can gauge the irritation of the Bio student who needs to do a project on sex chromosomes) to 'movies' (which can be easily eluded by searching for 'movis' instead, Google does the rest), to having such weird selective bandwidth restrictions.

So following the thought-route opened up by my GoodOldFriend whom you might remember from the second paragraph, I started fragmenting my blog URL in an attempt to find the trouble causing string within it.

I started Googling the following strings :

'wr' - nothing wrong

'wra' - nothing wrong again.

'wram' - BEEP BEEP. WhiteScreenOfIrritation.

chopped off the 'w' from the front.

'ram' - BEEP BEEP. WhiteScreenOfIrritation. #fail

chopped off the 'r'

'am' - nothing wrong yet again.

Needlessly, I chopped off the 'a'

'm' - no problems (as expected)

So there it was. The culprit string. 'ram'.

RAM! Of all things? What do they think? Some religious move to prevent devotees of Lord Ram(a) from Googling their benefactor and protector?

My GoodOldFriend clarifies on GTalk that .ram is apparently an extension of Real Audio files.

Aha. So that's it.

But in the end, all I can say is this is just one helluvan #epicfail to boot.

PS : ramayana when googled blazes in like Usain Bolt on a diet. Which isn't saying much, but still. I wonder why. Or how.

Till then.

Halloween

Halloween:

When children dress like the monsters they are, monsters get the candy they deserve and girls dress like their father's worst nightmares.

For a "treat", click here to see the Galactic Empire's Official Halloween eCard.

No leaf Clover

Have you ever gone through those phases of your life, when a certain thing had kept haunting you? Kept getting back to you? It could have been anything - a memory, a loved one, an incident, a scene from a movie ... or something as arbit as a game of chess you had won, a shirt that you had worn or even a sumptuous dessert that you had tasted.

From a personal perspective, I have. Many a time. Though what I relate now is something that has been stuck in one corner of my mind for as long as three-and-a-half-months. It laid there for all this while, gathering dust and neglect, till I thought I had to dig it up. Express it, rather than let theGreatHealer shroud it in layers of forgetfulness.

It's a song. More specifically, a particular lyric of a song. And the song goes by the name No Leaf Clover. And just in case you haven't head the song, it's a song from the live S&M album of none other than Metallica.

Contrary to the reactions expressed by those of you, who snickered in disgust at the name Metallica, instantly associating it to a loud, noisy, headache-inducing group of profane people, who yell in front of microphones, and jump around on stage ... well, honestly speaking, I have nothing to say. The only thing I can hazard is saying that the next time, try to look at the thing differently. Or follow the lyrics of the song you are listening to. Maybe you'll like it that way.

But to those of you who are into metal music, who can understand the beauty behind all that "noise and loud sound", to them, I really don't need to say anything. 

Coming back to No Leaf Clover.

the lyrics and my interpretation follow :

And it feels right this time
On his crash course with the big time
Pay no mind to the distant thunder
New Day fills his head with wonder, boy

Says it feels right this time
Turned it 'round and found the right line
“Good day to be alive, sir
Good day to be alive,” he says

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way

Don't it feels right like this
All the pieces fall to his wish
“Suck up for that quick reward, boy
Suck up for that quick reward,” they say

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way
It's coming your way
It's coming your way oh yeah!
Here it comes

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way

the song begins with positive vibes. Of how things seem to be falling in place. The rejection of the ominous elements (pay no mind to the distant thunder), and the start of a new day, a new hope signify a near plethora of good things about to happen. It is apparently a "good day to be alive" ...

The next stanza brings all the positivity crashing down. How things which had seemed to be falling in place ... suddenly get all hay-wire and messed up. There's trouble brewing up. And the ominous agents are on the rise.

The analogy drawn is not only very appropriate, but also very thoughtful. How a person who is trapped in a dark dreary tunnel, welcomes the soothing light at the end of tunnel, assuming it to be the end of the darkness, but is overcome with sudden fear when he realises that it is actually the light from a freight train heading his way.

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way ...

The next stanza again raises the hope, and makes references to times of war. "Suck up for that quick reward boy." "Suck up for that quick reward" they say ...  how a newly recruit soldier, who is all enthused about joining the army is shown the real deal in the battle front. His senior officers ("they") ask him "Don't it feels right likes this?" The young gun loves it ... the battle field is all that he had dreamed of all his life ... and "All the pieces fall to his wish" ... but then again

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way ...

By far, this is the most crucial line in the lyrics, and the one about which the song revolves.

The sudden fall in luck; the suddenly overwhelming helplessness; the sudden rise of negativity; the sudden turning of tides. All this and more.

PS : A four leaf clover is a symbol of good luck, and a harbinger of good times. A NO leaf clover is therefore, quite the reverse.

brb

the zero

"... and what happens when we take a number out from itself", asked the primeval Ghot.
"Nothing remains ... at all", the primeval master answered.
"So how do we show that there is nothing left in that?" the primeval Ghot continued.

The primeval Master closed his eyes and contemplated for a while. After he was done pondering over this question ... an answer to which would change the course of human history, he opened his eyes again, picked up a piece of charcoal and  scribbled something on the parchment, that lay on the ground. Having done this, he stared at his handiwork in amazement and wonder.

The primeval Ghot peered into the parchment expecting to see something out-of-the-ordinary scribbled in that, and was quite disappointed when he saw that it was nothing more than a circle.

"That's it?" he asked incredulously, "a tiny circle?"

The primeval Master smiled back.

-- passage of time --

Little did the primeval Ghot and his Master know that by this feat, they had actually changed the way societies would evolve thousands of years down the line. Little did they know that they had by this act, shaped the way cultures would function, the sciences would develop and the world would become what it is today.

The little circle which came to being as a result of a simple question posed by the primeval Ghot, is today better known as the zero. Or, if you are BITSian, a zuc.

So why the sudden fascination for this seemingly well-known everyday little object, a fascination that has even compelled me to dedicate an entire blog post to it?

Why indeed? I wonder.

What does the zero denote?

Several things. For one, it is the answer most unsuspecting IITJEE aspirants tick in an OMR sheet, hoping that to be the correct option and then wonder what went wrong. For another, it's the thing that comes back on your answer sheet, in red ink when you submit a blank one. For yet another, it is the thing which when added at the end of your paycheck, increases your worries ten-fold.

To the chemist, the concept of Absolute Zero, the theoretical temperature at which all thermodynamic activity ceases, is of profound interest. To the physicist it is the hearing threshold in decibels, amongst other things which projects zero into its numero-uno status. To the computer science student it is the quintessential role zero plays in binary mathematics and Boolean algebra that makes it so very essential. And to the historian, the year zero is the fulcrum about which the Gregorian calender is pivoted.

To the mathematician ... lets not get into that.

So as you can see the zero is not only ubiquitous, but varied in it's application in the real world.

What else does it denote?

Simply put, another of its applications lies in its usage as a symbol for nothingness, as a symbol for voids,  and emptiness. This application is possibly the biggest feather this beautiful number has in its cap, and the reason why it came to exist in the first place.

Which brings me to the thing I had in mind when I began writing this post.

Nothingness.

A queer thing it is. We know what it is, yet we don't understand what it means.

We seem made out of it, yet we fail to embrace it. 

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust

We know that that's what is in store for us, yet we don't want it.

If it is nothingness that awaits us, let us make an injustice of it; let us fight against destiny, even though without hope of victory. 

It is that which is present everywhere, yet we fail to perceive it.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

One only needs to look at it the right way.

-- pondering --

 Why the hell did I write all this? Forgive me if I've wasted your time all this while. I guess it's the post-Oasis hangover. Need to get some sleep.

PS : my backy shouts and tells me that SENSEX has gone down by 65 points. That's bad.

On a parting note, here's some food-for-thought.

cheers :-)

Droids Gone Wild

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE DROIDS?

Video surveillance taken from Currys, an Earth Electronics megastore last night revealed shocking footage of the Rebel Alliance's most famous droids, C-3PO and R2-D2, committing a variety of serious offences including Break and Enter and Malicious Property Damage.

Given that R2-D2 and C-3PO are extremely outdated models, aged at least 40 and 20+ years respectively, it is hardly surprising that the droids have become dangerous.

Perhaps even more worryingly, a source close to the droids has revealed that C-3PO was made out of spare parts by a child on a backward desert planet and would therefore never have been subject to the standard safety checks required by law for all droids.

But what has triggered this "Thelma and Louise" style crime spree? Some say a lovers tiff, others suggest that R2 might just be going through a mid-life crisis. More sinister is the possibility that the droids are evil and have been biding their time for decades, waiting for their masters to remove their restraining bolts in order to wreak bloody vengeance upon mankind.

One thing is for certain: R2-D2 and C-3PO should be considered armed and dangerous. If you see either of the robotic felons, do not approach or attempt to apprehend them. Contact your local Stormtrooper Legion immediately. The Death Star will then be dispatched to your location directly.

Unsurprisingly, the Rebel Alliance could not be reached for comment.

Original article via Gizmodo.

Billions

Okay, to the people getting worked up about the whole Alderaan thing:

There are literally BILLIONS of planets out there.

Like you’re REALLY going to miss a few?

Seriously. 

10 Ways to Remove Pesky (Blood) Stains

  

On the Twitter on Sunday we asked a simple, innocent question: "You guys, what's the best way to get blood and memories out of a Giorgio Armani suit?"

Apparently the people of Earth have a lot more experience in blood spatter removal than we would have thought because the replies flooded in.



Below are our ten favourite answers:




10. Google it. (via _Age_)
9. Blowing up a small, defenseless planet. And a little bit of vinegar. (via Luarien)
8. Soak that suit in a baptismal font of baby tears. (via Serveyoursoul)
7. Put the suit on Yoda and throw them both in a blender... Oh wait. Hmm... at least the memories (and your nemesis) will be gone. (via Jb_Paris)
6. White wine SHOULD treat both the blood and the memories. (via Catavich)
5. Plenty of peroxide on the suit (rinse lightly) and plenty of tequila in the system with a roofie... works every time. Suit first. (via Momofed)
4. Mix a little vinegar with the blood and tears of a member of the Rebel Alliance. And remember - dab, don't rub. (via Brock_)
3. Actually I know a place! There's this great dry cleaners on Alderaan, oh wait... (via MarkeeMarker)
2. Throw some wires and LEDs in there and sell it to jawas. (via the boss, helpful as always - Lord Palpatine)

1. PLUNGERS. They usually leave the SUBJECT as a dry HUSK. But memories are extracted EASILY. YOU should get a PLUNGER ASWELL. PLUNGERS also aid in declogging HUMAN TOILETS. (via DalekPR)

Money

Money can't buy happiness.

But it can buy a moon-sized death laser you can use to blow all of those happy bastards to hell.

The Emperor's New Game

Emperor Palpatine is playing a new game he invented with the clones in Hangar Bay A12.

He calls it "Scissors, Paper, Lightning Fingers".

So far it's 147-nil.




We're going to need some more clones down here.

Cool picture found here.

Classic Prank

Classic prank:

We spray painted a platoon of clones red just as they were about to leave the ship to explore a strange new alien planet.

They all died. Bazinga!

Off the Hook

Wait, wait, this Jesus guy died for MY sins?

So....




That means I’M off the hook, right?

Lemons

When life gives you lemons, squash them in your iron fist and make:

Imperial Lemonade
2 Parts Lemon
1 Part Tears of Your Enemies.

Han Shot First

Did you know that Greedo was a widower and father to seven children?

Who will tuck them in to bed at night now, Han?

Ice Princess

In news that will shock none of the loyal citizens of the Galactic Empire, Princess Leia Organa, aka. Leia "the Stormtrooper Slayer" Skywalker, aka. Carrie Fisher, publicly admitted yesterday that she took vast quantities of drugs whilst stationed on the Ice Planet, Hoth.

Whilst Imperial sources have long suspected that substance abuse was rife amongst the dissident forces hiding throughout the Galaxy, Leia's announcement marks the first time a high-ranking terrorist leader has conceded there was any truth to such claims.


'Hoth was bad, really bad,' said a source close to Organa. 'The snow outside wasn't the problem, it was the abundance of "ice" in Han's smuggling compartments on the Millenium Falcon that really did the damage. Once Leia started, she just couldn't stop.'

Anonymous Rebel whistleblowers describe seeing the Princess covered from head-to-toe in white powder, which they believed to be snow until her erratic behaviour proved otherwise. During her purportedly 72-hour long drug binges, Organa exhibited an insatiable sexual appetite and was prone to sudden outbursts of explosive violence, often combining the two in debauched public sex acts.

Showing just how far she fell during this dark period, the disgraced ex-socialite and media darling stated, 'I didn’t even like coke that much, it was just a case of getting on whatever train I needed to take to get high.' She went on to add, ‘Slowly I realised I was doing a bit more drugs than other people and losing my choice in the matter.'

Although Leia was quick to declare that her drug addiction was a thing of the past, Imperial news outlets remain sceptical, given her bizarre choice of hairstyle and outrageously indecent public attire.

Picture: Princess Leia Organa attended cocktail night at Jabba's Palace on Tatooine in nothing more than a bikini made of gold. One eyewitness said, "She was all over Jabba all night. It was as if she was chained to him. In fact, I'm pretty she was literally chained to him."

The stunning revelations raise grave concerns for the few remaining supporters of the Rebel Alliance and heavily undermine the moral foundations of the entire Rebellion.

What other acts of depravity do the Rebel Alliance get up to in their hidden bases? Did creepy old hobo and self-professed "magician" Obi Wan Kenobi really spend most of his adult years "watching over" a young Luke Skywalker? Does Chewbacca ever bathe? And what is the true nature of the "friendship" between robotic life partners, C3-PO and R2-D2?

Death Star PR will bring you the answers to these questions as they come to light.


Original article: The Daily Mail.

Dream Bigger

Don't be afraid to dream bigger:

Why shoot for the stars when you could be a star that shoots planets?


Brought to you by the "Death Star Cares" initiative.

Child Safety

Remember that time Yoda trained the Younglings in the Jedi Temple?

Hey genius:


Lots of young children
+ confined spaces
+ lightsabers that can cut through anything like butter
+ flying lasers
= careless disregard for child safety.

Emperor Palpatine: Behind the Lightning

Lord Palpatine: you know him as the benevolent ruler of the Galactic Empire, a man who works tirelessly for the happiness and security of every citizen. Death Star PR goes behind the Force lightning in an exclusive one-on-one interview with the charismatic leader, visionary and self-made Galaxy-trotting playboy trillionaire.

DSPR: Emperor Palpatine, thank you very much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to chat with us.
EP: I needed a break from Vader's moaning. There's a limit to how many times even I can hear the name "Padmé" in one day without electrocuting someone.

DSPR: You've come a long way since Naboo. To what do you ascribe your success?
EP: Hard work, grit, electrocutions and a few cases of throwing people from high places.

DSPR: Having achieved so much in such a short space of time, what are you proudest of?
EP: I once beat Lord Vader in a game of mini golf. Every moment you make a Sith Lord cry is a moment to be proud of.

DSPR: What are the best things about benevolently ruling a Galactic Empire?
EP: Knowing that everyone fears me being without my leadership. Knowing that everyone follows my command, even when they think they defy me. Knowing... we... shall have... peace.  Eventually. I guess.

DSPR: Some people have described the Empire as "an oppressive and ruthless totalitarian government". How would you respond to that kind of criticism?
EP: Give me the name of the planet they reside on, and I will answer them personally with one swift stroke.

DSPR: One of your first totally legal and Senate-supported actions was to pass Order 66 and rid the Galaxy of the Jedi menace. Why did you feel so strongly about that issue? 
EP: You said it yourself, the Jedi were a menace to  me our galaxy. Let's face it, they represented a system that just didn't work. I mean, the old Republic allowed for Jar-Jar Binks to be acting Senator. How could I *not* act against that?

DSPR: You make a good point. As we speak, there are Rebel insurgents working to sabotage everything you've created. What would you say to them if you could?
EP: Sending them a message would be pointless, they are blind to anything but their own way. Unable to adapt to a new, richer, way of life. To anyone considering joining the Rebels, I have one thing to say: Alderaan.

DSPR: It's a lot of people's dream to work with their best friend and heterosexual life partner. What's it really like working with Darth Vader?
EP: If you had asked me 11 years ago, I would have said we have a great working relationship, where I lay the plans and he executes them. But now... let's just say I'm glad I installed a mute button on his chest plate.

DSPR: A lot of independently wealthy visionaries seem to be building secret base/doomsday weapons these days. What inspired you to build the Death Star?
EP: The Death Star was built out of necessity. We needed it to protect our way of life. To spread the word of unity and peace throughout the galaxy. Look at your lawn. Do you kill the weeds? Of course you do, because it doesn't blend well with the rest of the garden. The Death Star is our weed killer.

DSPR: A lot of people don't know much about the Force. Can you tell us about some of the perks of the Dark Side?
EP: As I have said before, being in tune with the Force, and particularly the Dark Side, saves you a ton on electricity bills. Another benefit is that people will agree with you no matter what you say, even when they don't know it themselves.

DSPR: Phillip, 14, from Coruscant asks, "What's a typical day for you like?"
EP: It involves a lot of throne chair revolving and hand clapping.


DSPR: Phillip is just one of countless legions of fans. For all your young fans out there dreaming of the chance to work with you, what do you look for in an apprentice?
EP: S/he must be easily manipulated, weak minded and/or mentally vulnerable. There's a reason I'm currently on Earth. So many to choose from. Now let me explain, the reason they have to be weak minded is *not* that I can't break down the strong ones, but it's simply to save time. Once they're broken down completely, we can build the apprentice from the ground up, in my image.

DSPR: Ingenious, my Lord. Your name is synonomous with things like "Death Star", "maniacal laughter" and "Force lightning" but there's so much more to Lord Palpatine. Tell us a bit about the real you.
EP: What most people don't know about me is that I have a very big heart. I keep it in a jar. In addition to that I like history. That's why I spend some time here on Earth watching what they call "Star Wars". I like to call it "Emperor Palpatine, or how I learned to stop wasting time and start loving the Death Star."

DSPR: Emperor Palpatine, thank you for your time and not using the Force to destroy us.
EP: There's still time for that.

DSPR: .....

DSPR: Can we go now?

Small Price

 

Yes, we're sometimes forced to violate your civil liberties in order to stop terrorism.

But thanks to racial profiling, it's a small price for most white people to pay.

Chewbacca Rememberance Day

Wednesday marked Chewbacca Rememberance Day in the Galaxy far, far away and even the Empire begrudgingly decided to send a message to the most famous walking carpet that ever lived:

Chewbacca,

You were a giant hairy marauding Godless killing machine who cheated at board games.

We can respect that.

"Tatooine" Music Video

Taking a moment from being pure evil to share this Rebel Propaganda music video with you. It's a song called "Tatooine" by Jeremy Messersmith with a fantastic 2D paper animated video clip by Eric Power, which summarises the best bits of the original Star Wars trilogy.

Be warned, Imperials: the video contains disturbing imagery of the Death Star being blown up by a lone X-Wing and a fight to the death between Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader. Fear not, these are clearly nothing but the demented fantasies of the Rebellion's PR Department.

All credit for bringing this to our attention must go to the topless robots at Topless Robot, the best earth-based nerd-based website in this or any other galaxy.

Finally, because we know you are by nature an indolent lot: you can find Jeremy Messermith's website here, Eric Power's website here and download the song for an amount of your choice here.

Hipster Star Wars

Yesterday on the Twitter David Hoang started a Hipster Star Wars tag. Some of the results were hilarious.

We thought we'd honour it by giving you the highlights of the greatest independent movie trilogy never to be made: Hipster Star Wars. Below you can find a link to the official opening crawl for the first film and the ten best quotes from the trilogy.

A long time ago when everything was cooler in a galaxy far, far away that's way too exclusive for you to have heard about...

HIPSTER STAR WARS

Episode IV: A New Hipster

Click here for the official Hipster STAR WARS crawl.

And now, our take on the "top" 10 "quotes" from the trilogy. Feel free to like them ironically or whatever:


10. Sure, the Force is strong with him but can he beat my top score on Super Mario Bros 3 NES? - Emperor Palpatine
9. Yeah, the Cantina scene was cool, but that bar serves expensive imports and I only drink PBR. - Luke Skywalker (via @DepressedDarth)
8. Join me and together I guess we can rule the Galaxy and stuff... or whatever. - Darth Vader
7. I'd participate in Hipster Star Wars but everyone is doing it now. - Emperor Palpatine (via @LordPalpatine)
6. Mainstream society's acceptance? Shoes? A hipster Jedi craves not these things. - Yoda
5. The Empire? Yeah, their first Death Star was okay, but a SECOND Death Star? So five years ago. - Han Solo
4. Meh the Force be with you... or whatever. - Obi Wan Kenobi (via @bonniegrrl)
3. Leia: I love your scarf.
Han: I know.
(via @TheSlush)
2. I joined the Empire before it was cool to go Dark Side. - Grand Moff Tarkin
1. I liked Admiral Ackbar before he knew there was a trap. - Mon Motha (via @DavidHoang)